Sorrow for Loss

‎5 years ago... That was a world of pain:( Thank you Lord for helping me on this long journey!


5 years ago I was hurt and lost inside of myself. New Years Day was terrible. My birthday had been a violent event, I am grateful the Lord protected my life that and other nights. Valentine's Day had merged with our vacation to California. I was greiving the loss of love in my marriage. I was very unhappy with myself, confused by my feelings, abused by my husband, worried about my children, careful to protect my children (not careful enough), and wondering how I could raise my children in this environment, I could just feel the time, the opportunities, slipping through my hands. Now looking back I know the Lord was with me guiding me carefully, trying to prepare me for the shock that I would soon be experiencing. I do not know why my children and I have had this experience. It has been heartbreaking and still is. I do not know why it happened in the first place but I know the Lord was there protecting us, and slowly revealing the truth.He brought the truth out in His own time.
 
I did not know at the time that our vacation President's Day 2007 would be our last vacation. I will not detail the events but enough alarm bells were going off in me to tell me something was very wrong. I am grateful for friends that made that vacation possible, grateful that I was not alone with my husband, grateful for their love that eased my pain, grateful that we were home and not in California when the truth came out. Grateful that they were there for me in the weeks and months, and years since the day that my life took such a drastic turn.

Now I am trying to finding a balance between keeping busy and not dwelling on it and stopping sometimes to work through my grief. It takes effort to really heal from this loss.
 
"I knew forgiveness didn’t mean condoning or accepting the abuse or forgetting that it had occurred. It meant I needed to take what I could from life’s experiences and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the grace of God, find healing and forgiveness. " (March 2011 Ensign, Learning to Forgive, Name Withheld)